queline & company: 38 Weeks Old

Another photo-heavy blog post is here, yet again. I hope it's cool with all of you. Mommying is draining, and now that I've taken on a volunteer position (perhaps leading to a brand new position as FIAT's social media coordinator - which I'm so excited about, eeeek!) and looking for a part-time job has been a lot of work. Shoot ya'll, just mommying is all I can handle most days but I'm glad you've stuck around! We're happy to have your continued support and I hope you enjoy catching the occasional glimpse into our little family's life. We're not perfect by any means - our situation isn't what we would have written and we're certainly not always smiling but we are happiest together.

David's 38 weeks old, guys! Thirty-eight weeks ago I was popping out a baby! It's hard to believe he's been out as long as he was in. Just like that, the entirety of my pregnancy whooshed by. Feels like it all happened within the blink of an eye.

As I look back, I'm reminded of the late nights spent writing David's first, second and third week blog updates - struggling to type with just one hand while the other hand cradles a pumping shield against a single breast. Multitasking: Mommy Edition.... except, moms invented multitasking so what am I even saying? The unyielding clicking of keys amalgamating with the soft sighs of David's gentle breaths as he sleeps just a few feet away, nestled in his bassinet was my soundtrack of choice. Those nights were both enjoyable and challenging. Enjoyable, as I love to journal my son's memoir; however challenging as a brand new newborn nursing momma needs her rest.

Great joy permeates as I reread those posts. I can picture myself sitting on the annoyingly squeaky bed, careful to shift slowly as not to wake the baby. Postpartum pain at it's worst but the eagerness to jot down all of David's happenings was fierce!

I tried my best to document all I could although I know I missed so much - I blame mommy brain for this one. I have moments when I'll think back to a particular memory, laugh and sigh to myself at how special that moment was only to realize... I never wrote it down! And frankly, this happens all too often for me. Someday I'll try and gather all these memories together for one giant, shoot-I-forgot-all-these-amazing-hilarious-or-just-plain-cool-things-happened post. Perhaps around D's 1st birthday all these elusive moments in David's history will finally be shared.

One memory to mention now while the gettin's good. Or, uh, while my memory serves me well...

God told me to be ready by 38 weeks and in true Jacqui fashion, I stubbornly didn't listen.

Overwhelmed with a long to-do list and (with a husband 8,300 miles away) not being unfamiliar with what "ready" truly entailed, I continuously negated the idea. First-time moms rarely deliver early, I thought, as the consensus holds firstborn babies are typically born after their due dates. And, in all honesty, I really guarded against the thought of delivering David early. Call me crazy but I figured, the later... the better. I couldn't stand to think of Trev missing out on more days than he had to.

By God's grace, David was delivered early, fast and healthy. I wouldn't trade my birthing experience for anything, and I'm thankful God provided the means for me to avoid an epidural - which I had prayed about in the weeks leading up to his birth.

So this evening marks a special remembrance for our family. Thirty-eight weeks ago, I was 38-weeks and two days pregnant and life was just about to get really, really good.

Thursday, 16 August 2018

Poor bubs has some breakouts that are struggling to heal.

Friday, 17 August 2018: Four Year Anniversary of Mommy's Baptism + Tunnel Fun

Four years ago marks the day I dedicated my life to Jesus. I've always known God and have always felt Him near. In times of trouble, He was an ever-present protector and comforter. Much of my childhood is my testimony for trusting God and knowing, with full certainty, Jesus lives. The Spirit of God enables Christ to be with us and that's how my relationship with Christ manifested.

At 20 years old, I was filled with anger and hurt. In reality, I didn't think to give myself to God. What would that even look like? How does one do that?

And then He rescued me from myself. Amidst my anger, depression and pain, He cradled and comforted me. I'll never forget that moment as it propels me whenever I feel weak.

The joy of the Lord overwhelmed me and is straight-up addicting! I craved to know Him more. Finding myself worshipping just to feel closer to Him, I've never known such abundance of soul-filling, unprecedented happiness.

He made it clear: I am His.

And for years I felt Him urging me; leading me to baptism. I felt I needed to know more, biblically speaking. Felt I should finish reading the bible in its entirety before baptism takes place, of course, out of respect. But the pressure continued and so I asked God to provide the means for a baptism outdoors, ideally at Horsetooth Reservoir.

Challenged accepted. ✓

Along my drive home from work I spotted a church nestled along a small side street which caught my eye. Not totally sure why, I felt drawn to it. After attending for a few months on and off, I knew the time for baptism was near. It's weird, I know. I could just feel it. So I went back to church and prayed, if God wanted me to be baptized with this church, let Him provide a way for me to be baptized at Horsetooth.

And He did.

Sure enough, the church decides to nix the traditional behind-the-podium baptisms for a season and invite the whole congregation to hike into the mountains for some good ole commit-your-life-to-jesus celebrations!

Astonished for how personal our God is - I chuckled to myself and shook my head in awe. He knows us, y'all! He's with us! He heard me and made a way. But then again, we always knew He was and is the way. 😉

Okay, okay God. I get it. The time is now.

So on August 17, 2014, I formally accepted Christ as my Lord & Savior and read these words aloud:

The relationship I have with my mom led me to trust in Christ. Watching her confide in Him and wait upon the Lord in her most vulnerable moments provided opportunity for me to witness God's faithfulness abide. She's the strongest woman I know, and she's quick to declare her strength comes from God. With a tumultous childhood, my father was abusive and I hadn't known what a father's love was like. At the age of 20, in the midst of battling depression, anxiety and heart full of anger towards my dad, God rescued me. In my weakest moment He revealed to me He was with me, He loved me and that I had been adopted by Him because of His son. I am His!

The Lord is my joy. There is no greater love than God's love and I eagerly want to bring Him glory and express my love for him with my baptism today.

"The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul." Psalm 23:1-2

And somewhere in the span of YouTube lies a video of me tearfully professing these words while standing before a crowd of strangers.

Lucky me that I get to live a life of peace within my soul. I wish this for everyone - especially, I wish it for my son.

On Mother's Day, although I forgot to mention it, the mothers in our congregation were asked to share our desires for our children. Oddly enough, before arriving at church that day, I felt the Lord prompt me to speak - and moreso, that He was going to provide the words for me. And then once our pastor inquired, "As mothers, what do you desire for your children?" I knew, instantly.

What I want for my little boy is simple. I want him to have peace within himself; that he wouldn't search for forever to find what fulfills him.

Only, this is what I would have said if I had spoken. The Lord prepared me to speak, I felt calm about sharing my thoughts and God provided the words for me... And in the moment I suppressed all of it. In the moment, I second-guessed my contribution, as I'm a new mom and lots of seasoned, well-spoken mothers had already shared. I missed the mark on that one, but I'm grateful for the lesson learned. Where God guides, He surely provides.

I still hold these words captive in my heart as they reign immensely true. I desire peace for my child.

God fulfills. God sustains. If David looks beyond that or just short of that, he will miss it. He'll miss this peace. And that's all I really, truly want for him. Thinking of the day he'll realize how much God loves him brings me to tears. And then, he'll be made aware of all that surrounds him and what this crazy thing called Life is all about.

And God-willing, I pray he joins his father and I in declaring:

It is well with my soul.